A Call to the Church–Educate Followers about Sex

To be honest, I should be doing homework right now.  Or maybe applying to summer internships. Or something driving me on toward a successful future.  But honestly, this semester I have learned a great many things, but very few of them have been in the classroom.

God has been teaching me. In this period of my life–in college when we “learn who we are” and “who we will be” and all those good quotes that I anticipated before I actually started college, in college, this wonderful and crazy transition period–God has been maturing me.  I can look back over the year and a half I have been in school, admit this has been my hardest semester yet somehow the classes have been the easiest.

Because life is a whole lot more than class loads.  To be honest, school has taken a backseat, but my education has not.

I have learned from my mistakes of the past, sometimes slowly, other times rather quickly, but I have learned.

I explained it to a wonderful friend and mentor like this, “God has really been growing me this semester.”

I have been going through quite a few growing pains.

Funny thing about growing, it hurts.

But I have learned.

I learned that I was fairly dependent on other people, but God slowly taught me to depend on him.

I learned I was still broken, but God taught me that he is the solution, although I must admit this lesson is still one I have not learned as fully as I can.

I learned that what I plan and what God has in store can be on polar opposite sides of the map, yet God is lovingly pulling me in the opposite direction because he knows it is the better way.

I learned that life is just plain hard sometimes, and God brought others to me with struggles and problems so much greater than mine to teach me about gratitude.

I learned that I viewed a romantic relation as a “fix-all” to my problems, so God showed me he wants to have a divine romance with me, the truest romance with the lover of my soul who shows his love to me again, though I forsook my first love. Because God is the only fix-all.

I probably could go on and on about how God has been growing me.  Because this semester has been awfully painful, but awfully strengthening.

I have learned that God is enough.

And now, God is teaching me a wonderful lesson, a lesson of love.  Fitting this time of year, I know.

You see, at the end of last semester going into Christmas break, I had this all planned out: started falling for a guy who I thought also liked me.  Had said guy admit to me that he did like me, and to pray for direction.  I prayed and felt like God was telling me we would be obedient to his plan if we pursued each other romantically.  Then had said guy tell me that he had been praying about it, and he wanted to be just friends.  He wasn’t ready to lead a relationship in Christ.

And I amazingly respect him. I was a little angry, lost, and confused.  Those emotions have not gone away, but God is growing me in this time of emotional turmoil.  For one thing he has blessed me with amazing friends to go to for counsel and an ear to listen and a good laugh.  He has also given me peace to trust in his plan, his timing, his view of the world.  To realize than when I pray for God’s will to be done, sometimes my plan goes out the window.

Because I thought I was ready for a relationship, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized we are never ready for a relationship.  Because relationships are about far more than our feelings.  Relationships are truly about Christ’s love, and I still struggle with this lesson.

Given my relationship past, I never understood how God viewed relationships.  And it was this lack of knowledge that led me into sin and heartbreak.

Now, with lots of wonderful blogs read (thank you especially Ann Voskamp, Dannah Gresh, and Matt Chandler), due to yesterday being Valentine’s Day and everyone feeling the need to talk about love, I am starting to piece together how God views relationships.  Or well, covenantal marriage, the closest thing two humans can get to understanding the intimacy of heaven.  Weird how the world has degraded sex to an animalistic, and sometimes “dirty” passionate, lack of control, yet God created sex to be the ultimate human intimacy between two broken and beautiful souls.

I missed the boat on relationships in the past, but thank the Lord that he has given me knowledge.  He has shown me how to live my life, how to act, and how to witness.  Witness through marriage and other relationships by mirroring Christ’s love for the church.  Be counter-cultural in the view of love so that my relationships will shine so that others may praise God in heaven.

Yet somehow contemporary Christians have missed the boat.

I have been a Christian for nearly 5 years, yet just now learned this lesson about sex… after I’ve already lost my virginity and given away a part of me in sex as the world gives. This lesson was hard learned, but maybe this hard-learned lesson will prevent others from also learning the lesson the hard way.

Not only me, but think about the church.  How many churches still treat sex as a taboo, or at best a “pleasurable thing to be shared between husband and wife.”  At worst the church just preaches “no premarital sex,” “your virginity is your identity in Christ,” and other messages that are simply “don’t do this because its bad,” with no better explanation than that.

How has the church completely taken Christ out of sex?

How is that statement sounding so weird even in my own ears?

Because the church has, in its attempt to counter the pleasure seeking culture and Satan’s perversion of the deepest human intimacy, completely avoided the true meaning of this rather important part of Christianity.  It is within the first two chapters of Genesis that we see sex.

Genesis 1:28- “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.”

Genesis 2:24- “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Yet somehow the church has decided to not touch on the hard subject of sex.  Maybe because it’s awkward.  Maybe it’s uncomfortable. Maybe it has been morphed by Satan. Maybe in our avoidance of doing hard things, Satan is winning the battle.

But darkness cannot win.  It will always give way to light.  And Satan has been defeated.

Church, why are we not hitting this issue at the core?  Why does the church have the same divorce rate as average America? Why does the church suffer with porn addictions? Why do pastors often times have affairs with their secretaries? Why do Christian singles constantly feel pressured to get married soon? Why are Christians seen as such  hateful, hypocritical bigots who want to force “unnatural” restrictions on the youth? Why did I, as a youth group leader have sex with a worship leader at my church?

Why have we let Satan pervert sex?

Do I have all the answers, obviously not.  But I have learned about sex.  I spent almost all of my 19 years learning about sex from the world.  Finally, some people were willing to be open, usually in brokenness because of the past, and talk about God’s plan for sex.

Bless those people.

Church, and when I say church I mean anyone who claims that Jesus is their Savior, what do our young people know about sex?  Where are they learning about sex?  Whose voice is louder, Jesus’s or Satan’s?

We need to educate Jesus’s followers.  I beg church leaders to shepherd their flocks so that no more naively beautiful young girls have to learn the lesson the hard way like I did.

My past hurts.

I have scars.  They bring me to the conclusion that I don’t want others to hurt like I have.

This is a cry to the church to take action. Storm hell’s rusty gates. Educate the people and do not fall prey to contemporary culture’s selfish and shallow view of sex.  God has so much more in store for his children than that.

So yeah, God has been teaching, and through his teaching I have become rather passionate, and this passion is calling me to act.  I pray that this blog is more than just something little.  I pray people listen.

If you would like to educate yourself, some of the best resources I have found are:

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/09/dear-kids-why-wait-till-marriage-what-no-one-tells-you-what-i-wish-someone-had-told-me/

http://www.christ2rculture.com/resources/Ministry-Blog/The-Gospel-and-Sex-by-Tim-Keller.pdf

http://www.moisom.com/faith/50-shades-of-grace/#.VOF27fnF-hs

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/10-questions-on-dating-with-matt-chandler

http://purefreedom.org/do-you-need-healing-from-sexual-pain/

In the end, I pray that Christ is glorified.  That the church will do the best job a group of broken humans can to lead other broken humans to the only unbroken human.  It’s a tough job.  I know I have screwed up with it a few times.

With love,

BaiRae ❤

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